Treasures in Singleness
I remember, like it was yesterday. It was the summer of 2000 and I was praying to God, making a promise to save myself until that very special day: my wedding day. This became a dream of mine at twelve years old. It was at this age that I started to pray for my future husband and I have not stopped praying since, even though my prayers sound a lot different now than they did then.
I have only been in two relationships and have accepted a date with only five different guys. And when I say a date I mean ONE date, the exception being my two serious boyfriends (at different times, don’t worry ;) ). Can I also mention that I had my first boyfriend at the age of nineteen?! So yes I waited– well kind of waited.
My relationships didn’t work out, and even though I am grateful that the second relationship ended at the time it did, I was devastated since I really believed it was going to end in marriage. For different reasons things didn’t work out. It didn’t go as planned. One of the reason why I mention all this is because during my last breakup I realized many things that are so crucial for you to know. Relationships had one goal to me: marriage– and it still does. The difference is that marriage had a completely different meaning for me back then. It meant finally being happy, finally being complete, finally being whole, finally being loved, finally feeling secure, finally pursuing my dreams, finally living in the fullness of life and finally being content. My thoughts were more like “Oh when I get married then I can do this or that, or be this or that.” My way of thinking was so wrong! I realized then that I had not been in a place where I was actually living single, meaning that despite that my relationship status was single my heart and mind were not.
After the end of the second relationship I had a conversation with God about not wanting to jump into liking another guy right away. From what I had experienced, I had the idea that it was impossible for me to be at a place where I did not like a guy in a romantic way. So I asked God if it was possible to not like anyone and to be completely single. I asked if He could show me and teach me how to live a content, satisfying, thankful, whole life in Him, being SINGLE in every aspect of the word. Well guess what?! He sure answered my prayer! God revealed so many things to me. He opened my spiritual eyes to see that I had a wrong idea of what marriage is and helped me see that the expectation I was putting on relationships and marriage were things that my future husband could never meet simply because those were expectations that only God could meet! God was so good, faithful, gentle and loving as He led me in this process. By God’s grace through this time of heartache, I was able to focus on the one who could meet all my expectations: JESUS CHRIST!
The treasures that I began to discover were treasures that no one could steal from me. These treasures were how God looked at me and what God thought of me. I found myself in Him. I found my identity in Him. I found my value in Him and I found my beauty in Him. I discovered the beauty of being romanced by God. All this happened in moments of constant surrender to God, in moments of intimacy with God, in moments of going deep into the word with God, searching for who He said that I am. It was in the moments of going on “dates” with God.
Slowly, God became my whole reason for living. He became my reason to smile and to look forward to live each day. He became my identity. I became aware that I belonged to Him and that I am called His. He became the reason and inspiration for my dreams. He became my purpose. He became the lover of my soul. His sweet love became sufficient to my needs. He became more than ENOUGH to me!
The outcome of discovering treasures in the process is that I was able to live in freedom to live out dreams I never dared to dream before. I became brave enough to walk in faith and chase God’s dreams for my life. I became bold enough to share with others about His love. I became secure enough in Him to obey in the midst of chaos. I became courageous enough to love out of the love I received from Him. I became whole enough in Him to accept people who might not be easy to accept in the sight of others. I became free enough to live in the will of my Heavenly Father and care about the growth of my character. Faith became my strength to hope for the best and trust God with my future.
I no longer desire to be married in order to be complete or whole. I desire to be married to be a gift to my husband. I want to do life together with him with the purpose of glorifying, honoring and loving God through our marriage. Yes, the desire is still present. It’s not gone, but it is no longer an obsession or a need to reach true happiness or contentment. I have discovered genuine contentment in my singleness and I am grateful. I no longer have the need of a guy to look at me or to tell me that I am beautiful, special or important because God constantly does. He constantly shows me love– unconditional love. His love has completely transformed the way I view myself, life, dating and marriage. Now I enjoy every moment I have in this single season. (don’t take me wrong I still do have moments when doubt creeps in but then I run again to the arms of God, my source of everything I need). I have become in a way jealous of my relationship with God. And though I am still in the process of learning and growing to have God as Lord of my life in every season and every area, my heart, mind and soul have been transformed by God’s passionate love for me.
Also I’d love to share with you is that there is a benefit to being single that I constantly observe and I treasure: I am free to go for any door God opens according to His perfect will for my life without any hesitation at all. My only responsibility right now is to hear God speak and then do what He says. I am available and flexible to His call. It is so easy to say yes to Him because together we are on an adventure.
My heart is filled with so much compassion and it hurts me to see girls and women stuck in singleness waiting to be married who are suffering and depressed at their relationship status instead of using every S I N G LE moment they have to live in God’s fullness and to discover the beauty in the single season. & I totally get it because I was there too, that is one of the main reasons why I can write this novel today ha ha and since I have discovered freedom in this area of my life I long for women to discover it too and dare to walk by faith in this area of life. It’s an adventure and I encourage you to wait on God for your significant other while celebrating the season that you are in, knowing that He knows and cares about the desires of your heart for His timing is perfect.
As I pray for my future husband I enjoy and treasure my single moments by being romanced by God. I work on my character. I am intentional about my growth in my relationship with God and I choose to love my future husband by staying faithful in the season God has entrusted me with today. I have faith that one day that amazing godly man, my husband, will walk into my life and will pursue me and romance me. I cannot wait for that day, but mean while I will continue to choose to have faith and trust that God wants only the best for both of us.
I am as cheesy as it can get, I am total romantic who strongly believes that God is the best match maker and writes the best love stories, SO girlfriend don’t be discourage trust God, the maker of Heaven and Earth, with your love story. You are not alone; I am with you in this.
hey, you are beautiful and you are a dream come true who was born in the heart of God.
my prayer is for you to be encouraged and that hope would rise within you.