My fiancé (oh that’s so fun to say) and I recently decided to start pre marital counseling. Not because we are already having issues but because we want a solid foundation to build our marriage on. Also when has Godly counseling ever been a bad thing? Tuesday was our first session and I went in with so much anxiety. Some many thoughts that at had never entered my head began flooding in. What if he (the counselor) says we are too young? What if this makes me not want to marry the man of my dreams? What if he says we are incompatible? And worst of all what if this makes Hayden not want to marry me? With all of these thoughts, I was dreading walking into the office. However coming out of the meeting I was more excited than ever before about being married and becoming a wife!! We learned so much in that short hour and a half. I can’t wait to go back and discover even more. The advice he gave us not only applied to marriage but a lot of it related to everyday life. There are a few things that I really think are worth sharing for everyone to read.
1. Don’t be negative! That was some of the first things that came out of his mouth. He talked a lot about communication and how that is key to a successful marriage. His key piece of advice about communicating was don’t be negative. Every answer to a question HAS a positive initial response. He went on to say that when someone says they loved something, you don’t need to instantly come back with a response on how you disliked the same thing even if that is the case. He also pointed out that if someone makes a mistake in what he or she is saying there is no need to point it out for the world to see. I think that this advice is vital for marriage but is also so important for everyday life. Proverbs 16:24 “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” All words that come out of our mouths should be gracious, kind and loving.
2. “Let your yes be yes and your no be no,” leads us into his second major point. It too is about communicating. Clarity is of vital importance. If you say something be sure and mean it. Do not go back on your word or promises. I can see how this is extremely important in married life but once again this should be an everyday rule we live by. Most people do try to keep their word, but take the extra step and really keep it. If you say you will pray for a person then do it. Remember that integrity is a disappearing in this world so going above and beyond and really being honest with your words makes a difference.
3. Finally the last thing I want to point out that he said was happiness cannot be pursued it ensues. Something that ensues occurs as a result of other actions. We need a cause greater than ourselves. For Hayden (my fiancé) and I, it is a happy marriage. That is what our “goal” is. However it’s not something that we pursue. It is something that occurs from being intentional with our behavior, not just our thoughts, everyday. We have to make a daily choice to be self-sacrificing. If we choose to behave this way a happy marriage will ensue. Along these lines he said, the best day of our marriage should be the day one of us dies. We should never settle and we should always make today better than yesterday and tomorrow better than today. I think that is a powerful statement that I want to live like in every area of my life.
I hope this inspires you like it inspired me. Also I hope you have a wonderful week and make tomorrow better than today.
Alissa Sander <3